She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
