Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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