the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
