please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
