i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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