Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
