Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
