im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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