it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
