so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
