just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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