If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
