Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i've created a new STD.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
