Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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