Having a random hookup so left but love u
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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