I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
