Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
