If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize