You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
