"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
