32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
