Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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