just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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