i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
