Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
