Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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