It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
