I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
