It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
