i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
