Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
