when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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