3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
