I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
