Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
