I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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