the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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