shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
