Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fuck appropriateness.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize