Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I believe in your delicious
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
