I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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