You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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