For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
