So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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