i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bring me that man meat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize