I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
