Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
