your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
