Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
