so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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