did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had to coat check the pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
