Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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