i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
