Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
