She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
