In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
