Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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