how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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