I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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