you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize