I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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