i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
