I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
