dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
