its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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