my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
