he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
