I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
