Im at strip club and am horny
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
