she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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