In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
