So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
