We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
